Lost

"It is in the times that you are down that you'll know who is willing to stay with you throughout and is not going to leave you alone to weep. "

They say that losing something or someone is the worst feeling in the world. Be it a lover, a family, a friend, or simply a thing that is very important to you. All our life we are wanting to gain something and losing it is just not the way that we want for our life.

When something is lost to you, what do you do? Move on? Sure. Depend on time to ease the pain you felt? Yes, I am sure that the feeling will not be as overwhelming as the first time the lost has happened to you.

But what if the same loss happened to you for the second time?

You manged to help your self on your first loss, you did everything you could just to make everything alright despite the weakness in you. You became strong for yourself. Then, because of your strong will to fight, the unthinkable happened. Everything became fine. You were back to normal again.

Then, the second loss happened. It's like going back to the overwhelming days of problems that you already gotten over with. You start again from scratch, squeezing your mind to find another set of solutions and it just suck. Who wants to go back to their dark days anyway? Nobody.

The good thing about loss/ problems is that, you'll know who will stick with you and will not leave you. And it just feels good to know that they are there for you no matter what. Those people who will never judge you and will still accept you after seeing you on your weakest, your imperfections.

We might grieve when something is lost to us but this is the happy part: when we let time work for us, the feeling is not as overwhelming as the first time you experience that loss. Somehow, time lessens the burden we feel inside us and it will let us think clearly and it can help us manage our emotions more. We can use that for finding solutions to our problems and to make ourselves whole again.

Getting over with dark days is not easy. It is really helpful that we have good and trustworthy people around us that will become our allies in facing the tragedies in the world. After all, no man is an island, which is very true no matter how stereotype the line is.

I believe in the saying that "we can learn to be strong if being strong is the only choice we got."

And I thank the people around me who are my allies.

April

Hello world! Look who's back?

Okay, I admit, I couldn't even maintain a blog. I really want to but I couldn't I hope the next time I try, I will succeed. So what's up with me?

You know, April is a great month because I don't have summer classes, as in never, since I became college. The sad thing about April for me is... okay here it is: I evaluated myself for the month of April and I didn't like what the result was. Haha! I was more of a bum! What the...

Okay, I'll stop with that. Did you know that I finished Stephenie Meyer's Twilight saga? I did that for two weeks, reading the three books, was kinda slow for a not so dedicated reader. Haha!! As for the first book, that was done last semestral break. I think it also took me two weeks to finish that one. :D

I also continued my Prison Break addiction and I finished watching the three seasons and now I have my eyes on the season 4. If Michael Scofield was real, then he's the one I want to marry! Haha! I love everything about his character. He was a genius and because of that, he was able to break in not one but two penitentiaries, and if things didn't go well and his plans were not met, he could still manage to be calm and was able to say "just have a little faith." Awwww! I really like him. Michael Scofield is my favorite hero. Haha! Okay, Superman, you are next to him, don't worry! :D

I didn't finish watching Prison Break season four because that was the last season and I feel like if I continue watching, I'll also be nearing to its end and I don't want that to happen. That's my favorite show. *tears* Soooooo... I put my attention into watching Gossip Girl instead and I really love the story and characters! It's different from Prison Break obviously, and I love them both in different ways! Kristen Bell's voice is very chic. Haha! And sometimes, can be very b*tchy! :p Plus, I can really relate to some of the situations there. They are so very teen ager. Haha! I am kinda hooked to it...

I am planning to watch House after I finished the shows that I am currently very busy about. Looks like I need to give myself some knowledge about these kinds of entertainment. Hahaha! I thought watching series was not fun at all. Thanks to Prison Break because it awakened me! LOL.

Hello hello, 32 minutes ago, it was April, now it's May! Time flies really fast... I don't know if I'll be happy with that thought. Ugh.

Hey, adding to my achievement of the books that I was able to read, here's The Devil and Miss Prym. Thanks to my ever nice and favorite cousin, for lending me that book. Whew, a Coelho book, definitely it's a good book. And good news! I was able to grasp its concept, unlike his other books, which were kinda complicated to me. Haha! Yes, everybody will understand that book, I hope. :D

Mmm, you know what? I like the way Serena and Blair call each other by the first letter of their names. Like "Hi S it's me B!". Cool!!! Hi S it's me J, and I love you! LOL! Watcha think? :D

Btw, I was upset because of a thing that I didn't get. I thought it was the best for me, so I tried and did all that I could just to get it. Then the bad news came. I was really down and doubted myself not for days but for weeks! Look at how bad I was to myself!!! Good thing I was able to overcome it, with the help from other people, maybe, but I'll congratulate myself more. LOL. Thank you myself because you've became strong and you've managed to regain yourself back! You deserve a big hug from me! Stay courageous and you'll be rewarded! :)

Hmmmm. What else? Okay, now I am happy for blogging again and for sharing my thoughts but I think I missed something to share, and I want to shout it out but that will just make me as crazy as Sisa. LOL... So here it is: I miss you. A lot. Especially when you were solo.

Ugh. A blog that turned corny in the end. LOL.

Don't forget to Plurk me guys! BB! :D

Today

Today is President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo's State of the Nation Address (SONA).

No classes in UST. Yippeee!!!! :))

Today is also the General Assembly of the Institute of Tourism and Hospitality Management (ITHM) held at SMX Mall of Asia.

Important

Today, I woke up at past six in the evening. Take note, it was evening. Why is that so? Because, I slept past 7am already at the same day. I was busy taking up online tutorials about Photoshop and I got carried away with them. Haha. Some tutorials were very easy to understand because they were on video and I watched and followed what the video presented. Some tutorials were text based and I think if you are just a beginner, you'll have a hard time following some instructions, like me. Hmm, I also did episode watching with this cool website which allows you to watch movies, tv shows, anime, documentaries, etc. COOL!!! I was also lucky because I was able to find on a certain website a tagalog version of Cinderella episodes, a morning cartoon series which I really like!!! Hahaha! The child in me is now speaking up! I swear, the story is very "nakakakilig". Even though I am now on my way towards the 19th year of my life, the story is still able to catch up on my taste. Anyway, Cinderella is my favorite cartoon character ever since I was a child!! Plus, each one of us has his own childish side, right? I so love being a child, sometimes. :p

Headache will strike, I can feel it. Since I slept all day, I wasn't able to eat meals, and now my head will suffer. Oh please, no, not now. I still have tasks to finish. Ü

The so called petix week is over. Hello to Maam Turaray, which means hello IDS class and hello to waking up early again. Raarrr.

What else? Hmm, I'll start taking down my short term goals so that I will know what I SHOULD and SHOULD NOT be doing. Making goals for yourself is like providing yourself a clearer path for the journey. As what our guidance counselor said, "always know the whys" of what you are doing. It's true, very very true. I think having goals will act as your motivation in everything you do because sometimes, when you are tired of what you are doing, you ask yourself why do you need to do this, why do you still need to do that, etc, etc. You question yourself, "is it really worth my time and effort?", "what will I get out of these?". Without any goals to strive for, these questions will be left unanswered and will be useless. You will just find yourself like a wanderer with no certain destination to arrive to. But if you have your own set of goals, each time these things come to your mind, you will be reminded that what you are doing TODAY, is VERY IMPORTANT because they are steps in taking you closer to the GOALS that you really want to achieve, whether it is short term or long term. Whew.

Okay okay, what about my long term goals? I have some in mind but I still need to make them SMART. Hahaha!! What is SMART?

S stands for SPECIFIC
M stands for MEASURABLE
A stands for ATTAINABLE
R stands for REALISTIC
T stands for TIME BOUND

SMART are tips on how you should make a goal for yourself. I got it from our Guidance Councelor. :)

When I am sure of what my long term goals are, I'll put them into writing so that whenever I forgot about them, there will always be a piece of paper that is ready to remind me about them and the essence of what I am doing.

"IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW WHERE WE ARE HEADING."

Okay, I lecture a lot, what about the lectures that I still need to memorize? What the!!! Bye for now! :)

Btw.. before I really sign out and focus on reviewing, last Thursday, I saw my friend somewhere in the streets of Dapitan. If I am not mistaken, it was Asturias? And then after he finished talking to one of his "friends", he asked me if we could tambay for a while. I agreed. We sat in front of the building where I am staying every school day and then afterwards we got bored and went to a place where we could drink. Haha. Good thing we only ordered one beer for each of us. If not, we would be going home crawling due to drunkenness. What I like about that night is that, we really had a SENSIBLE talk. It came to a point that we were really discussing about the church! Haha. But my favorite was when my friend talked about you "being important to someone." Someday, somebody will come into your life, somebody who will make you feel that you are IMPORTANT enough, somebody who will see your worth, and somebody who will be happy having you in his life. Aww.. knowing that you are important to somebody is just plain SWEET! :)

Important is my word of the day. :D

School stuff, etc

What the f*ck is this.. I've just installed Adobe Photoshop on my computer which I borrowed from my friend and now what??? I don't really know what to do with it. LOL! I traveled from Manila to Laguna with the sole purpose of installing this thing and now I am clueless. Haha. I think it really takes a lot of effort to know how to run this stuff. I am thinking of exploring a bit of this over the week end. A big sigh. Why it has to be this complicated!!!! I envy those people who can make beautiful things out of this. Grrr.

Today is Wednesday? It's already 12:02 am on my clock, soo today is Thursday? Yeah, it just became Thursday.

What about school? We did not do many things at school these past few days but I can say that I've learned a LOT. There were professors that were absent, there were long breaks, there were film viewings instead of classes, but still I learned a lot. Maybe that's because I chose to learn. I didn't took for granted what was presented to us especially on film viewings. The topics were interesting. One was an animated film about philosophy on different aspects of life and the other was about the real effects of global warming. I really hate film viewings when I was in high school because I thought that they were boring. Ironically, I also loved them back then. They were opportunities to escape class discussions plus we can eat snacks while watching! Haha. Our PDSR class is very interesting too!! The topics suit the teens like me. So there, there, we were also taught how to make a resume in BA class which I find very useful to us in the future. I shouldn't forget about our Philippine Literature class. You may think that it is a boring class, if you are stereotyping it. But ours is a different one. We are learning Philippine Literature in the modern way. Thanks to our professor. I also love the readings, which makes us appreciate literary works of the Filipinos.

Hmm, time check, it is already 12:32am. I still want to talk about many things but I have to go now. There are hand outs in French that are waiting for me in piles plus I need to make a new and presentable checklist for the class funds! And also a research in BA, they're some sort of questions that are asked in every interview. College life!!! Third year life! I loooooove iiittt! :) (I don't know if that's sarcastic or what, LOL)

I'll be back this weekend! :)

Stalker?

I've managed to track his brother down!! Haha. Only his brother, but not HIM. And now, I am slowly becoming a STALKER like some of my friends. LOL. I soo heart Google. Google is for stalkers like me. Just kidding. I am not a stalker okay? That term is kinda creepy. I prefer to be called a researcher. It sounds more like a pro, but geeky?!! No no, I've changed my mind. Just call me a fan? No no, that's baduy. Hey what about investigator? No! Sounds odd!! Detective? I don't like!!! Whew. I think.. I better stop. Someday, I will be able to come up with a proper name that will suit for this kind of monkey business. Hahahahaha!!!!

Anyway, I revisited my old Xanga site and saw this astrology love profile thingy dated May 2005, something like that. It contains Virgo's positive traits, negative traits, seduction style, dating style, etc! While reading it, this group of sentences caught my attention! Since then, these things never left my mind. Why? It's because they are sooooooo TRUE! Here are extracts from the actual entry:

"Your negative traits: Sometimes you are so focused on your goals that you let your relationships suffer
You tend to be a perfectionist - and expect perfection from your mate as well
You are picky. So picky that you rather be single than with someone who has a few minor faults."

"Tips for the future: Soften up a little. Vulnerability is sexy - and feels great over time.
Lower your standards a little. Look past a messy desk or someone being five minutes late.
Praise your partner more. You make expect them to be successful, but complements are still appreciated."

Picky.
Perfectionist.
You rather be a single.
Lower your standards a little.
LOL.

I think being born under the sign of Virgo is always accompanied by being a perfectionist.

That's what this sign says about herself. :))

We don't always need to believe these things but sometimes, they appear to be really believable!! Haha. I admit that sometimes, when I am confused on what's happening, I check on what the stars have to say. Sometimes, I believe, sometimes I don't. I guess, in the end, it still depends on you. You have the power to choose what will you believe, the power to decide for yourself, and the power over your life. Isn't that great? We just lack courage to accept that we can handle our own lives. But hey, don't forget about God. Personally, I believe that He is the ultimate source of this courage so we must not forget to ask guidance from Him. :)

I notice that I am getting serious here. Haha.

I really heart that love profile! I hope my being picky will not be a tool in making me an old maid! Seriously!!!

I am currently waiting for the ADMU vs. DLSU bball match! The UAAP officially started yesterday and my school got defeated on their first game. Anyway, I will still cheer for them! I know that they will be able to catch up on other games! There are still lots of matches to be played, and to be won!!! Go USTE! :)

Whewhoo.. I want a printed jacket NOW! After I finish paying for that f*cking maintaining balance, I swear that I will shop a lot for myself!!!!!! I need to update my wardrobe soon! :p

I also want to learn more about Photoshop and Web Design. Too bad I don't have the patience to do that! I think I will be geeking on that when I am not that preoccupied with other stuff!

My tummy aches. I need to go to the bathroom.

Essence of Absence

Time check: 1:38a.m, still awake and kickin'!

Now I realize the essence of "absence".

You take for granted the things that you ALWAYS see, feel, smell, touch, hear, and whatever senses you have there. You take for granted things that is always around you, and when they are gone, that is when you start to wonder.. "Where did they go, where are they?".

You miss them because of their absence. And now, you want them BACK. You are lucky if you get them back, and when things turn out as it is again, you will start taking them for granted again and again. The cycle goes on and on. Will you ever learn? It depends.

If there is no absence, the things you have will just be plain things, without realizing their own value.

Now, I am starting to understand more the meaning of "absence".

But still, every absence leaves me bleak.

Anyway, this issue bothers me for a week now. He misunderstood me. The fact that I am not talking to him that much and just ignoring his teases. The hell, what does he want me to do? Tolerate him? No, I will not. I don't like to be teased a lot because I easily get irritated. He is always like that. He's 20 or 21 years old now, I am not sure, but he still acts like a child!!! He's a lot more sensitive than I am! What the! And now they say that he's mad at me just because I always ignore him!!! He told them that when he was drunk one week ago. He was busy making trouble as he spit out our names, and cursed us one by one. Alright, alright, I know, I know that he's older than me and he should be responding to things more maturely than I am, but when you look at it, it is I who knows very well than him and should give way and adjust. We grew on different environments. We don't have the same parents. His parents are good persons. He has two other siblings, which are also good persons. He, naturally, is a good person. But not every home is a perfect one. They too are experiencing problems in their family and these problems, as he grew older, build up and created a psychological effect on him. His father aside from being a disciplinarian is aloof. He is not close to his two other siblings. He is an introvert who doesn't tell what he really wants even after asking him. I am not saying that I am a perfect person with no problems on my family or what.. It's just that.. my point is, it is I who should understand more. I shouldn't be in rage for knowing that he is mad at me only because of his sensitivity. It is I who needs to be more open minded. It is I who must act as an older person. It is I who must help to make him feel that he is loved and he is as important as his two other siblings. I must make a move and not take for granted this opportunity to aid in changing the life of one person. My cousin.

What the heck. Now, where do I start? Start from scratch? LOL? I think I'll be reaching out to him very soon. It should be planned. I now have a plan. I just need some bucks in order to complete it. Now I find myself funny for needing some bucks in order to furnish the misunderstandings between me and my cousin. :)

By the way, there's more nuisance in the air other than my cuz. But I choose not to mind IT. For now.

Oooh.. it's past 3 am.

Hello weekend!!!!